My NOLS Semester

September 20th

Tonight is our last night on the river. We were encouraged today to think about our values and reflect on our NOLS course up to this point. I feel that now would be a good chance to do some reflecting.

I love the outdoors. I love the city. I miss my family, my music, and I want to go to college. I’m not digging this river section too much, but it’s taught me some valuable lessons. I am ready to start climbing, and I’m always hungry out here. I don’t miss high school, but I miss a lot of people from it. I want to play shows and write songs. I want to go to dirty bars and play rock n roll. I’m growing more mature by the minute out here, and I’m worried it’s going too fast. I want to slow this experience down and take it all in, but I want my other life back. I’m lost, but I’m slowly finding myself. I want to call my family.

That is my stream of consciousness reflection. And it is very incomplete.

September 19th

I would love to be able to write that today was awesome and that I learned a lot and was overcome with feelings of elation and appreciation, but honestly today was miserable. We went only about 12 miles, but it took eight god damn hours. We lined four rapids, which ate up so much time, and I ran out of food and water pretty early on. All I could think about on the water today was my life back home. Every time I saw the contrails of an airplane overhead, I silently wished that I was on it, going to whatever destination it was destined to go. It’s not that I don’t love what I’m doing out here, because I truly do. But I miss my family, and have pangs of longing for my old life back. Today will be the 27th day away from home, easily the longest I’ve ever been away. I look forward to calling my family and friends from Vernal in a few days. Luckily, we have nothing on our schedule tonight, so that’s exactly what I will be doing. Nothing.

The Chess Game

I met a man downstream. His clothes were worn and thin.

His lips were dry and bloody, and he had sores upon his skin.

But his eyes, they shone so brightly, and he walked with grace and pride.

Had patience with every stumble, and strength in every stride

He told me, “Son, you ought to listen to what I have to say.”

I said, “I’m in a hurry, but you have my ears today.”

“I’ll tell you what you want to know,” said he with a gleam in his eye

“But you have to play a game of chess, and the loser, he must die.”

I couldn’t help but play him, but he had the upper hand.

I couldn’t let him beat me, or my life on earth would end.

So I weighed out all my options and moved my pieces true.

I began to make a comeback and thought, “Old man, I’m beating you.”

I thought about what he had said, how the loser could not live.

And the old man looked defeated, so some mercy I did give.

I let him take my pieces, and he was moves away from mate.

But before he beat me outright he said, “Boy you’ve changed our fate.

You’ve learned what I could teach you and of course you will not die.”

And the old man packed away his board and we said our last goodbyes. 

I haven’t seen the man since then but his message still rings true.

Stay focused on the task at hand, and help others through and through.

Oh river man, oh river man, you know much more than I.

Teach me all your secrets that I’ll keep until I die.

I will sit with you upon the shore and play your old man’s game.

I’ll beat you next time if I must, just to know your name.

September 18th

Solo boating is some rad stuff. We hit some super intense rapids, and my adrenaline hit some super intense levels. Whitewater canoeing is so different than any other extreme sport I’ve ever participated in. The river doesn’t stop for anyone, and in a set you can’t pause and think about what your next move is going to be. We passed under some fantastic rock faces that I was itching to climb. The canyon walls are so inviting to crack climbers and trad buffs, and maybe someday I’ll come back to the green river and get some first ascents. Climbing camp is coming up, and I couldn’t be more excited. I am out here to learn how to trad and multi-pitch, and very soon we will be learning all about that stuff. I hope this experience will improve my climbing skills to the point where I can go on trips to Yosemite and other cool climbing locations. I’m beginning to grow tired of all of this sand and water. I’m ready for something else, and that would be climbing.

September 17th

Soooo many rapids today. We hit some nasty waves, and somehow stayed above the water. I have yet to go swimming (hopefully I didn’t just jinx myself), and we only have a few more days on the water. Today we saw a really old ranch, filled up all of our water at a creek, made chili in the rain, and now I’m trying to think of interesting things to journal about. Seeing as I’m coming up short, I believe I will be going to bed now.

September 16th

More crazy rapids today. I was paddling with Phil today, so we barely took on any water, even in some of the gnarly stuff. We rolled into camp, made some veggie burgers in the rain, and then Temple did our groups first Hot Seat. I’m hoping I can do mine during the climbing section when I’m at my best. But either way, I will enjoy sharing my experiences with my new friends. I’m beginning to really miss my family, though. I miss Moms worrying, Dads sense of humor, Pauls strange behaviors, and Ciaras older-sister advice. My real life seems so far away, and it’s beginning to dawn on me how lucky I am to have such a comfortable life. I will return to society a better man, and I will no longer waste, squander, or otherwise throw away my time, talents, or my capacity for success. I love the backcountry, but I love my family a whole lot more.

September 15th

We had quite a full day today. It started with some pretty easy rapids that Temple and I cruised through. After that, I hopped into the solo boat and bombed down some sets. It was SO fun. Being in the solo boat is awesome because you can’t rely on anyone else to steer the boat for you. It amplifies the relationship between how you paddle and how your boat moves to the point where you lose control if you aren’t precise enough. When we rolled into camp after checking out some petroglyphs, we got new tent groups and new rations. We were running low on food, so this is a big deal for us. I did some serious thinking today about getting ready for college. I feel like I’m missing my college experience, but I have to force myself to remember that it can wait. What I’m doing right now can’t. I continue to learn and grow in this fantastic world, and I feel blessed to have the chance to do so.

September 14th

Got to paddle with Larry through some rapids today. It was awesome. I got a ton of practice and now feel much more confident paddling through rapids. I think I’ll give the solo boat a shot tomorrow to really put my skills to the test. Anyways, Larry kept me busy with a lot of eddy practice, and plenty of singing to go along with it. It really helped pass the time. I was also very entertained when Wes swamped his boat (and I didn’t!). These rapids are exciting. Can’t wait for the morning.

September 13th

Rough day. Luke got very sick this morning. He had a migraine and was feeling really dizzy, so we pulled over and let him rest for a few hours. While he was resting, the rest of us learned how to self rescue in the event of a flipped canoe in a rapid. I hope I never have to do it in a real rapid. We didn’t get to hit any rapids today, but we have some on the schedule for tomorrow. Our campsite tonight has a lot of mosquitos again. This time I’m going to yield to mother nature and accept them as part of the experience.